Mariamellie

REFLECTION ON TRESPASSING....

A Reflection sometime in April 2008

Last night I went to the airport. I got off the bus at the shelter which was at the parking area. It was located a bit isolated. I thought there was perhaps a way which linked the shelter to the Departing/Arrival area. I asked the guy in charge at the shelter if there was any. He said “oh yes, just go this way, it is under that mast!” I saw to where he pointed with his finger. It was a bit dark behind cars. But I thought maybe the way was built through a garden or something because I saw some trees.

So I followed his instruction. I went to the mast he pointed which was behind cars. In fact, what I found was not an “official” way. I imagined the way was especially constructed to link the places. It was not like my imagination. It was in fact a “way” for people to trespass the train rail in order to get to the airport.

I certainly stopped my steps. In front of me there was iron fence, low enough for people to walk over it, but the initial purpose is certainly to prevent people to walk over it. Across the rail, I saw another fence, higher, but there was a space open. It looked like people opened it on purpose for trespassing.

It was between confusion and hesitation. I was confused how come this way was chosen to be the way for people to get to the airport from the shelter as the guy suggested. I hesitated to take this way as this was certainly not the “proper” way.

I tried to walk over the fence, though. It was tempting me somehow, and there was a voice telling “this maybe an opportunity”. But my heart stopped me. And with my confidence, I turned around and take the “proper” way. I thought it would be so silly for me to trespass. I walked the longer way. While I was walking I was thinking and feeling what I was doing. There was a moment when I thought “if this was day, perhaps I would have chosen to do so, since the way was not dark so I would have been able to measure whether it’s dangerous or not”. The rest of the moment, I felt whatever it is day or night, my heart feels that trespassing is not going to be my choice. It is a bit immoral. It is not the right thing for me. I also thought so much about people who trespass, trespassing anything. Perhaps people can get what they want in a shortest path, maybe how lucky it is. But I feel, even though we can get what we want fast, we indeed are in the low point. I don’t want to feel being at the low point and be so small and ugly for the things which I can do in the right way.

When I walked across the rail on the normal way, I thought how I have been a ‘good girl’. I felt alone and a bit blue somehow. But it was not a regret. There are people in the world do trespassing and be happy about it because they get what they want faster. Though I am maybe alone, and it takes me longer time to get what I want, but I believe on my own judgment. The desired thing and the way to pursue it do matter to me. The desired thing deserves the best way.